


what's clear underneath

by raihaqyaza



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Johnten endgame, M/M, Markhyuck Endgame, OT21 (NCT)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24982843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raihaqyaza/pseuds/raihaqyaza
Summary: If you go up to NCT and ask all 21 of them the meaning behind Johnny’s sunflower tattoo, the answer will likely vary. This is where they begin to find out the truth, one incident at a time.*1 | when mark returns | renjun, jaemin, jeno2 | when the redness still remain | ten3 | when the triangle connects | yuta4 | when it is deliberate | doyoung
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 26
Kudos: 132
Collections: Neo got back





	1. when mark returns | renjun, jaemin, jeno

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How long have you known, Yangyang-ie?” Jaemin asks from the other line.
> 
> “Not long,” Yangyang admits, and it is the truth.
> 
> “The sunflower—that’s Donghyuck?”
> 
> “Clever, if you ask me. People tend to miss the things hidden right underneath their nose.”

If you go up to NCT and ask all 21 of them the meaning behind Johnny’s sunflower tattoo, the answer will likely vary.

Members of NCT127 will say with confidence — like as though they know for certain even if it is just as much as a wild guess for everybody — that it represents the strength he receives from his mother. They will say the small yellow caricature symbolizes all of her sunshine joy that has kept him strong for eight whole years before he was finally announced to debut, and it is there to permanently represent her, for the next decade and more of his career.

Considering the frequency of the phone calls and Skype calls between Johnny and his mother, 127 members always seem to be convinced that there is no hidden, overly complicated interpretation to the single sunflower, unlike Taeyong’s or Ten’s intricate designs.

If you go and ask the Dreamies, you will find it clear as daylight that they never knew for sure, since they were never really around to ask point-blank. But, from the way they would trade secretive glance, you can tell they have their own suspicions every time they talk about the tattoos in a hushed, envious whisper.

Jisung had once guessed it’s a pretty flower for their pretty fans, to which received a huge, collective groan from the room because as adorable the other members found his innocence to be, they think he can be very, or _too,_ gullible at times.

Between NCT127 and the Dreamies, people are more likely to believe the older members, only because it makes sense that they would know, considering the likes of Yuta and Taeyong, who are his same-age friends, or Jaehyun and Mark, who Johnny would easily feel at home with.

But, they’re not all to NCT.

There are Lucas and Kun, who he promoted briefly with, and Winwin, who is still a part of 127 thorough and thorough —

— and then there is _Ten_.

Ten, who Johnny had casual flings with, on and off.

Aside from those four, people would generally whisper that WayV probably has the least idea, so maybe don’t bother asking them.

WayV is well aware of these assumptions, and they have long accepted it as the natural course of their group dynamic.

The people would say those who have officially debuted with NCT have tried their best to make those who haven’t feel included, but since they are yet to have any sort of clarity on their contract, the three newcomers are purposefully avoiding getting comfortable, in case they are declared as a separate group altogether, once and for all. They would say the other four tried but decided after a while to make a home for themselves amidst the uncertainty and have long taken their friendship to something deeper, something far more meaningful for a group so new.

You would find the people whisper say _don’t bother_ , _WayV wouldn’t know_ , _have you seen them interact in real life? Yeah, that’s what I thought._

So it is partly ironic, but perhaps mostly amusing, that the reality is this: between all of them, only WayV knows the truth behind the tiny little secret that Johnny shows out in the open for the entire world to ponder.

They never confirmed it with Johnny, but there is never the need to.

As much as they regard highly of one another’s privacy, Ten is never secretive about his interactions with Johnny.

From all the late-night hang-outs or Skype calls between the two, they were bound to find out Johnny’s big secret that he only entrusts Ten with.

When they found out, at last, it was Xiaojun who reacted first, genuinely confused. “But I thought he’s with—?”

“They haven’t been together for a while, remember? There’s a reason why Renjun said _he’s_ been sad for a while.” Yangyang hummed into his can of soda, quick to piece the puzzle together now that there are a face and a name added into the variable.

Hendery brushed his hair up with his hand and kept it there, looking sullen. “He just looks so happy all the time, you wouldn’t know.”

“He’s always been like that,” Yangyang tipped the can back and finished it. Between all of them, he has been around longer to know better. “Always bursting with so much energy to a point that you’d forget he’s capable of human emotions, too.”

Lucas, Kun, and Winwin never commented, and it was perhaps for the better.

They know to keep Johnny’s secret safe, and they do it more for Ten’s sake than anybody else’s, so they let Chenle and Renjun to their own device when they are making their own guesses, and they sometimes join only to lead them further away from the truth.

So imagine the surprise when Jaemin gives Yangyang a call, one day, and asks him to tell him what he knows.

Yangyang tries to avoid answering for a long time until he walks out of his room to grab a glass of water and stumble upon a drunk Johnny on their couch, half unconscious with his head on Ten’s lap, who is murmuring something softly to him in English.

Yangyang sometimes wishes he isn’t multilingual, only so that he can stop finding out what he doesn’t need to know and carry the burden of having this knowledge embedded in his mind.

A single sharp look from Ten is enough to send Yangyang back to his and Xiojun’s room, but he has heard enough to understand why Jaemin decides to reach out after so long.

Yangyang doesn’t know what to say, with so many thoughts jumbling up in different languages that he can hardly register what he wants to say, so he tells Jaemin this, “Congratulations for not graduating from Dream and going back as seven members.”

It is now Jaemin’s turn to be silent.

Yangyang asks, already foreseeing what might have happened, “I’m guessing the reaction is mixed?”

Jaemin doesn’t respond. Suddenly, he hears a soft crackle from the other line and hears a familiar voice speaks in a language he feels at home with.

“ _You shithead, you could have warned us.”_

Yangyang sighs and turns the phone to speaker mode so Xiaojun can hear. He has been throwing Yangyang questioning glances since Jaemin first called.

“We don’t know anything, Renjun.”

_“Judging by the way you’ve been tiptoeing lately, clearly you dickheads know enough. A fucking clue would have saved us from bumbling around like idiots seeing Haechan having a meltdown after a phone call with Johnny-hyung.”_

Yangyang shares a glance with Xiojun, unsure of how to respond. “We only know what Johnny- _hyung_ shares with Ten- _ge,”_ Yangyang says, defensive.“Besides, you know it’s not our place.”

_“Yeah, doesn’t mean I don’t get to be mad.”_

“Is Haechan okay?” Xiaojun asks, concerned.

 _“No.”_ Renjun says, and there is a sharp bite in his voice. _“He was, has been for the past few months. Should have known someone has been helping him move on, but now it’s all out of the window because Mark is coming back and it’s the last thing Donghyuck needs when he’s been doing so good.”_

“Yeah, Johnny- _hyung_ is not taking it well either,” Yanyang shares. “He’s here. He seemed genuinely upset.”

“ _How long have you known, Yangyang-ie?”_ Jaemin asks from the other line.

“Not long,” Yangyang says, and it is the truth.

“ _The sunflower—that’s Donghyuck?”_

Yangyang deep down commends Johnny's courage, though Kun disagreed once and warned them against putting their hearts out on their sleeves quite so literally. 

“Clever, if you ask me. People tend to miss the things hidden right underneath their nose.”

There’s a click like the sound of the door being pushed open from the other side, and Yangyang hears footsteps coming closer to the phone.

_“Hi Yangyang-ie, Donghyuck wants to know if Johnny-hyung is coming back to the dorm.”_

It’s Jeno this time.

Yangyang looks at the phone, and he can’t help but to imagine Donghyuck, small and broken down in tears and devastated. It’s difficult to imagine, and yet so easy to believe considering the circumstance.

“No, I don’t think so,” Yangyang replies.

_“Then we’ll keep him here until he’s better. Please tell Johnny-hyung, in case he’s wondering.”_

Yangyang is grateful that Donghyuck is surrounded by good friends, at the very least.

 _“Jaemin-ah, Renjun-ah, he’s asking if we can stay with him.”_ Yangyang hears Jeno mutters softly.

Yangyang hears Jaemin getting ready to leave, and Renjun sighing. _“We’re leaving now, but you better be there tomorrow because we’re coming over.”_

He hums in response, and the phone call ends.

They return to bed right away and never spoke a word of it until the next morning when Winwin came knocking to ask how long he needs to keep this quiet from Yuta.

They don't know, but it is likely that it won't be a well-kept secret any longer.

*

If you go up to NCT and ask all 21 of them the meaning behind Johnny’s sunflower tattoo, the answer will likely vary.

And this is where they begin to find out, one incident at a time.


	2. when the redness is new | ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re judging me,” Ten hears Johnny accusing him, snapping him away from his train of thoughts.
> 
> Ten tries to tear his eyes away from the tattoo, but his gaze is fixated there, scrutinizing every single curve, the new redness it leaves on Johnny’s skin, and the secret he's announcing to the whole world with it.

Having dated and broken up repeatedly with Johnny over the past few years, being able to see straight through the American in one look has become something of a skill that Ten prides himself with.

Most times, it leaves Ten safe and warm knowing their souls still pull for one another’s despite their romantic relationship failing to work out after multiple tries.

Other times, like this moment, makes Ten wish he could see less, could take away less from all of Johnny's expressions and actions what the general people would take away so that he could have his heartbeat its normal rhythm on this fine Sunday morning. No ache, nothing.

“You’re judging me,” Ten hears Johnny accusing him, snapping him away from his train of thoughts.

Ten tries to tear his eyes away from the tattoo, but his gaze is fixated there, scrutinizing every single curve and the new redness it leaves on Johnny’s skin.

“You actually went and did it,” Ten notes cooly, willing for the ugly rage at the bottom pit of his stomach to calm down.

(Johnny never thought about leaving a permanent mark on his skin that would remind him of Ten, and they were the one who was so bent on calling one another endgame before, so it doesn’t quite make sense to him why Johnny would go to that extent for a boy who dedicates his own soul for someone else).

_It’s a phase_ , Ten tells himself like a mantra. There isn’t really anyone else they could be with considering their occupation, so they are bound to trade crushes and partners every once in a while.

(Some days Doyoung can look at Taeyong with heart eyes, other days it would be Jaehyun, and then Taeil, and so on).

Another glance at the tattoo and his mind is brought back to when he caught a glimpse of Johnny’s muse jumping up and down in his regular antics in the hallways as though he was the source of all things bright.

Ten remembers saying a really quick hi to him - all before Johnny's confession of his current infatuation. He remembers letting his gaze linger just long enough to see the laughter plastered on his face dissolve and all of his pretense fade away, leaving him with only the pain.

It was exactly like how Johnny described it.

To this day, Haechan still thinks they don’t see the way he’s been hurting for a while.

Ten watches Johnny lean back against the mirror in the practice room they agreed to meet at.

“Desperate measures,” Johnny admits, avoiding Ten’s eyes as he speaks, and perhaps it is for Ten's sake more than anyone else’s, so he doesn’t have to deal with the conflicting emotions that will likely be there, ones that even Johnny himself likely has not yet begin to make sense of. “Thought he’d appreciate it,” he adds.

Ten finally tears his gaze away, choosing to stare at his own far more intricate tattoo. “I don’t understand why you’re chasing after the ghost of someone whose entire being has been invested in someone else.”

The same way he believes Johnny is his soulmate, he thinks it’s been made clear since the dawn of time who Haechan’s is, and even if the universe is testing them right now, he doesn’t think it’s smart to try and shift the predetermined balance the way Johnny is doing.

“Not anymore,” Johnny says with a hint of ice leaking in his voice, and Ten knows he is holding himself back from getting worked up over this.

Ten wishes he can be that patient. “You can’t help him, Johnny,” he grits his teeth.

“It’s not up to you,” Johnny stands, picking up his stuff with him as he puts some distance between them before this turns into another fight, the same way their conversations always seem to escalate this past month every time Haechan is brought up in the conversation.

“To _hell_ it’s not up to me,” Ten scowls, his light feet following Johnny right away as he pulls him by his arm to make the older look at him properly. “We both know I'm the one who has to deal with the aftermath.”

_Haechan won't care. He'd sooner go back to Mark the moment Mark snap out of whatever it is, and he'd leave you wounded and I'd be the one you'd ask to kiss it all away._

Ten doesn't say any of that. He did, once, and what followed wasn't pretty, so he resists this time.

He feels his heart hammering hard against his chest as the build-up anger finally hits its peak and seeps out of him.

He loved - _loves_ \- Johnny first before anybody else, and even when they’re not together, it is still his job to make sure Johnny won’t make bad choices and end up hurting himself when it all turns upside down.

Johnny regards him slowly, and there is a glint of something familiar in his eyes that immediately calms Ten down. Johnny lifts his hand and lets it rest on Ten’s head, ruffling it a little just because he can. It never fails to comfort and drain Ten all at once.

“I’m sorry,” Johnny says softly, and at least the half-smile on his face is wistful and apologetic. “I need to see this through.”

With his hand on Ten’s head, Ten gets a clearer view of the newly inked tattoo.

Inhale. This, right now, is not about him and Johnny.

Exhale. This, right here, is about Johnny, and a boy he cares deeply enough that he’s willing to go and properly ask for Ten’s blessing, just to sate his curiosity at the very least.

Ten has had his turn, and will likely have another turn at this in the near future, so he takes Johnny’s hand and holds it in his because he can.

“Fine,” Ten manages to say around clenched throat as he intertwines their fingers together. Inhale. He loosens his grip. “He better be sunshine and rainbow again in no time, Johnny.”

Johnny rubs his thumb over Ten’s knuckles in a silent promise one last time, pulls away, and puts his hoodie on, hiding his tattoo along with it.

They share one last somber look, and then it is time for Johnny to practice with NCT 127 members, who are starting to barge their way into the practice room in loud, boisterous energy, unknowingly cutting through the heavy tension.

“ _Yah_ , are you having another couple fight?” Doyoung makes their way to greet Ten with a grin, with Haechan hanging off of his arm with a huge, wicked grin on his face.

Ten flashes a toothy grin that he’s come to perfect so well, “Stop being jealous, we can’t all be sad and single around here.”

His eyes flicker to Haechan, fast enough to catch his face falter.

Ten feels Johnny’s eyes warning him from his peripheral vision, and he decides he is probably best if he leaves, so he stretches lazily.

“I’ll be off now.” Ten smirks pointedly to Doyoung and Haechan. “Also, it wasn’t a couple fight, you know Johnny is as single as you losers are.”

He walks away with an extra strut in his steps, feigning bravado because he’s gotten so used to acting strong within these suffocating walls.

He reaches the door, flutters his eyelashes in exaggeration to Johnny, and leaves.

_It’s a phase_ , Ten tells himself like a mantra, and gives his blessing because loving should not suffocate.He’ll let Johnny tip the balance of the universe because he _just knows_ deep in his heart the scale will tip back in his favor, eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm all for Johnten endgame and Markhyuck endgame, I just like to think that it's not smooth sailing all the time.


	3. when the triangle connects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jaehyun-hyung says he’s at the lobby,” Donghyuck looks up from his phone and tells Johnny, actively ignoring Mark’s presence. Donghyuck gets up and grabs Johnny’s arm, his fingers covering Johnny’s new sunflower tattoo. “Let’s go.”
> 
> Johnny turns his attention back to Donghyuck, eyes glazed with something Yuta has never seen directed at Donghyuck before.
> 
> This is how Yuta finds out.

Yuta has always had a knack for making Mark all flustered and reduced to splutter of words.

Scratch that, he’s always had the ability to do this to anyone, and it works every single time until you are called Dong Sicheng. Then, you’d only react to Yuta’s nonsense with a flat, unamused stare, and within a second, the Japanese will be whipped and wrapped around your long, graceful fingers, never to recover to his pre-Winwin state.

But, nothing has ever gone to this scale before.

Yuta has been showing an extremely obsessive behavior towards Mark, both on and off camera, and by now it’s hard to be convinced that he’s only looking to have fun while his boyfriend is sent away to promote with a different group.

If it wasn't for the fact that they know Yuta is a taken man, they would have seriously questioned the boundaries of his affection for Mark.

Yuta let people think what they want to think. If only they ask, he would have told them why. It's not his fault they choose to tiptoe around him on this issue.

"Yo, morning, _hyung_."

Yuta looks up from some random show he's watching on his computer.

Mark has just gotten out of his room, with bedhead and glasses perched on his nose.

The younger throws himself to the sofa next to Yuta, head tilted to peek into his computer screen. "What's that?" he asks conversationally.

Yuta shrugs, nudging Mark's face gently with the movement. "Haechan-ah recommended it. I didn't think it was interesting, but Sicheng said it was good, so."

Mark's face closes slightly at the mention of Haechan's name. "Oh," he responds, and then silence falls upon them.

Yuta takes a glance at the forlorn look as clear as day on his face. He sighs, shuts his computer off, and turns bodily sideways to give Mark all of his attention. "What is it?"

Mark doesn't respond right away. Yuta can basically see him chewing the inside of his cheek, thinking hard.

"It's just—"

Mark stares down at his cleanly manicured fingers and tries again. “I— I miss him."

There it is.

Yuta silently pats himself on the back for the progress he's made at making Mark feel comfortable enough to open up to him.

Before this, Yuta was only granted the casual _Nah, I'm good,_ or the reverse _uno_ card of, _well, what about you with Winwin-hyung?_

Until one day, Yuta caught him staring at Haechan through the practice mirror while they were preparing for Kick It, and something in his eyes reminded Yuta of how Haechan used to look at Mark, with that same longing and sad endearment, before it all went away after they split for good some time last year.

.

.

.

Mark had turned away so fast when he realized Yuta was paying attention, cheeks tinted red in embarrassment.

It was all Yuta needed to get Mark to talk, after practice

“Do you want him back?” Yuta had asked, gulping back his ion water to hydrate himself.

Though he seemed pretty conflicted, Mark’s voice did not waver when he finally admitted, “It doesn’t matter. I just want him to be happy again.”

So Mark noticed the mess he left in his wake, then.

Because Yuta’s filter from brain to mouth was something that SM installed to complete his idol image but never a skill he willingly developed for himself, he chuckled lightly. “Should have thought things through, then, eh?”

Perhaps it is because Mark has gotten so used to Yuta that he did not take offense. Instead, he offered a weak smile of his own. “I know I’m an idiot.”

Yuta had ruffled Mark’s hair as a gentle agreement. “I think you should be kinder to yourself. Navigating a relationship while working in this industry, especially in this company, is never easy.”

“You and Winwin- _hyung_ managed just fine, though,” Mark mumbled, a hint of envy in his voice.

Yuta simply offered him a smile, because there is very little that Mark knows, still—or anyone for that matter, on the trade-offs that Yuta and Winwin had to make with the devil so they could stay together.

“Speaking of him, I better get going if I want to catch him before his practice starts,” Yuta tossed his water bottle to his backpack and got up to leave. As a farewell, he kneeled down in front of Mark and told him this: “Don’t make a habit of bottling everything up, Mark. Talk to Johnny, at the very least, if you don’t feel comfortable coming to me or the others.”

Mark’s jaw tightened at the advice. He avoided Yuta’s gaze when he murmured his thanks and left to the dorms.

Since then, Mark has been confiding in him about his feelings for Donghyuck, and Yuta guessed he was the only person to have this privilege. Whatever it was that made Mark trust Yuta, he had chosen to not question it.

.

.

.

Yuta and Mark are pulled forcibly back from their moment of solemn silence by high, ringing laughter and a deeper voice that follows from the front door of their 5th-floor dorm.

They hear heavy footsteps making their way to the living room, and Yuta hears Mark’s breath hitch when the figures hidden beneath the darkness of the hallway are revealed to be Johnny and Donghyuck, clinging off of one another for support as they try to control their laughter.

Johnny finally spots them in his mist of giggles, and Yuta watches the way all traces of humor disappears from the lines of his face, which falls back into a neutral, friendly expression.

His body posture, though, screams volume of how tense he must feel. He seems to be on a defensive stance, with one arm which initially clung onto Donghyuck’s shoulder suddenly moving to wrap around his waist, pulling Donghyuck close against him.

It seemed unnecessarily protective, considering Donghyuck and Mark know to be civilized around one another despite their strained relations.

Noticing the sudden change, Donghyuck finally turns away from Johnny to follow his line of vision, and Yuta is always amazed at how fast Donghyuck would turn from genuine joy to putting down layer after layer of shield every time he is in the same room as Mark.

“What’s up,” Johnny greets them and escorts the now-silent Donghyuck to the dining table, making themselves at home. “Jaehyun told us to meet him here, is he getting ready?”

Yuta shrugs, “He hasn’t gotten back yet.”

Johnny nods, and then turns to Donghyuck, whispering to him in a soft enough voice that Yuta can hardly hear a thing, so he settles to studying Mark instead.

Mark seems just as guarded, just as wary.

Yuta sighs. “Say something,” he whispers.

Mark stiffens.

“Mark," Johnny calls him from across the room.

Mark whips his head fast at being addressed.

"Remember we need to go over our plans for the upcoming promo later.”

Donghyuck is now staring hard at his phone, likely trying to exclude himself from the interaction as much as possible.

“Right, just let me know when you’ll be back tonight, _hyung_.” Mark says, light and casual. Yuta silently commends him, he has always been good at acting like nothing is wrong, like there is no rising discomfort in this very room right now.

“Jaehyun- _hyung_ says he’s at the lobby,” Donghyuck looks up from his phone and tells Johnny, actively ignoring Mark’s presence. Donghyuck gets up and grabs Johnny’s arm, his fingers covering Johnny’s new sunflower tattoo. “Let’s go.”

Johnny turns his attention back to Donghyuck, eyes glazed with something Yuta has never seen directed at Donghyuck before.

_Wait._

Yuta’s wide eyes dart back on the tiny, yellow sunflower - a choice he questioned but respected when he was first informed of its presence - and steals a glance sideways to see that Mark, too, is frowning as his eyes scrutinize where Donghyuck’s fingers come into contact with Johnny’s arm.

_Oh._

Yuta is brought back to the conversation he and Mark had the first time around and realizes why Mark seemed uncomfortable with his suggestions of talking to Johnny, why Mark started coming to him these past few months instead of the American, why it feels like Yuta has been missing something altogether.

He can't believe this. All under their nose.

_The sneaky bastard._

If Johnny notices anything from Yuta’s guarded features, he does not show or say it. Instead, he casually waves them goodbye with his free hand. “See you later.”

Donghyuck also mutters, “Bye.”

After they left, Yuta and Mark sit in silence for a long moment.

“Is that why you didn’t want to go to Johnny?” Yuta finally asks, still feeling mindblown.

Mark’s mouth parts. Resignation colors his voice. “He’s become such a good support system for Haechan lately thatI didn’t want to take that away from him by confiding in Johnny- _hyung_. He needs someone he can talk to. We’re already giving the Dreamies hard enough time as it is with our current arrangements _.”_

Yuta silently wonders how it is possible that Mark is able to retain such good morals, still, even after working in this industry for years.

( _It’s his faith. It keeps him sane,_ his manager once explained).

Yuta stares. “So you’re okay with them—?”

“Yeah. I mean - it’s not like I don’t hang out with Johnny- _hyung_ on other occasions. He’s good at keeping things separate. I still talk to him about everything else, we just avoid talking about Haechan.” Mark says.

There’s a bad feeling growing in the pit of Yuta’s stomach.

“I’m glad they became great friends. Remember when they used to be so awkward around one another?” The corners of Mark’s lips pull into a small grin, amusement flickering in his eyes.

_He doesn’t know._

Yuta chuckles with him because it’s either that or going to hysterics.

“Yeah,” Yuta agrees, faking laughter as he speaks. “Yeah, I do.”

Shaking his head, Mark asks if he can join Yuta binge-watch the drama, and Yuta does not have it in his heart to deny him his wishes.

He turns on his computer, resumes the drama, and later does not remember any of it.

When the day turns dark and the others start making their way to the dorm, they finally decide to call it a day. Mark offers him a fist bump as either gratitude or goodbye, and he leaves Yuta alone to contemplate what he has just discovered.

Later in the evening, after Yuta finishes his dinner and Johnny has returned once again to meet Mark, Yuta meets his eyes and tells him this:

“You’re bound to tell him the truth one of these days.”

Johnny’s face hardens, and it is enough confirmation to Yuta’s suspicion.

After having been friends with Yuta for so long, Johnny does not deny him anything. So Yuta knows Johnny is honest when he replies softly, “I will talk to him when there is something to tell.”

Yuta thinks the day cannot get any better.

“Donghyuck—?”

“Doesn’t know.”

Yuta thinks—

—he thinks he needs a drink.

Mark shows up, freshly washed, and Yuta decides the day has been entertaining enough as it is. He returns to his room, texts the only person he knows can make reality worth facing, and picks up the call that immediately comes.

He hits loudspeaker.

“ _Hyung, are you okay?”_

Yuta sighs into his bed and feels his heart becomes a little lighter. He goes to sleep listening to a soft humming of some Chinese folksong and hopes that for what it’s worth, Mark, Johnny, and Donghyuck too can find the peace Yuta has found in this sorry-ass world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any request on who we should bring up next?
> 
> I'm @hyuckplump on twt, come bother me there or send me love.


	4. in which it is deliberate | doyoung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A second passes, and Doyoung can’t help but ask the next question, “Who else knows?”

Doyoung is nosy.

He was raised in an environment where his butting into other people's business - or he prefers the term curiosity - has always been received with great humor, so he unconsciously learned to keep it. As he grew up, it became a habit that he cannot quite shake away, and since nobody seemed to think of it as a negative trait, he never bothered looking into fixing it.

But he wishes, sometimes, that there is a stop button he can press to get rid of the urge to poke his nose where it's not meant to be.

After being a trainee, and then later an idol, after rooming with so many people at once for years, he learned that there are things that are better left alone, to be kept private. This includes when someone gets a little too loud during their nighttime indulgences either on their own or with a mysterious partner, or when someone spots a pack of cigarettes hidden poorly behind the couch, with no one claiming it to be theirs.

It’s easier that way, because as much as they are a group, everyone is so different in their own ways, and it only makes sense that they allow space for individual explorations and personal growth.

But this?

This time, he finds it hard to stay quiet any longer, after bottling it up for at least a good half a year.

And especially _not_ after Yuta comes up to him with a bottle of soju, asking casually, but meaningfully, about what’s been on his mind and why he’s been silent since practice.

Doyoung stares up at Yuta and wonders if he knows, and that’s why he approached him, to help Doyoung sort out the tangled wires in his mind the way Yuta perhaps had to when he first found out.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Yuta shrugs, an easy grin on his face. “Just thought you needed to let whatever it is out.”

It’s only the two of them in the dining room of the 5th-floor dorm, with the others either in their own rooms or hanging about somewhere. Doyoung guesses Yuta came all the way down because those living on the 10th-floor have finished up their alcohol supply for the month.

Doyoung stares at the bottle in front of him. A few sips and Doyoung knows he’ll loosen up enough to talk. He rubs his face, feeling torn. “It’s just that it’s really not my business,” he groans.

Yuta chuckles. “Isn't it always? Why, did you see one of us make out with someone? A staff?”

Doyoung grimaces. That’s close enough.

He sighs, gives up, and takes a long gulp off the alcoholic drink.

He savors the taste and the solid burn making way down his throat. “It’s Johnny- _hyung_.”

Yuta’s hand pauses in the air mid-sip. Then, he lets out something like a forced laugh. “Actually, you’re right. Not our business.”

Doyoung narrows his eyes in suspicion.

Could Yuta possibly — ?

“And Donghyuck,” Doyoung says, watching Yuta closely for some kind of a reaction.

Yuta turns away, likely to hide whatever is threatening to show in his features, but Doyoung has seen enough that there was no way he’s going to let him get away from this conversation.

“ _Hyung_ —“

“Before you say anything, I’m going to be very clear with you here.” Yuta sets his bottle down and turns to face Doyoung fully. His eyes are stern, demanding full attention. “I don’t know much, alright? As soon as I found out, I decided to quit looking into it because it’d only get even messier if any of us attempted to get to the bottom of it. So I’m going to ask you to not bother, can you do that?”

Doyoung wonders how serious this is, if it got even Yuta, one of the most laid back members, to take authority in keeping it tightly wrapped up.

“So you know,” Doyoung confirms, feeling somewhat comforted. A second passes, and Doyoung can’t help but ask the next question, “Who else knows?”

If Yuta doesn’t want to talk, fine. Doesn’t mean he can’t ask anyone else. There's no way he can leave this alone now that he knows. 

Yuta glares knowingly at him, but Doyoung only stares back defiantly.

“I’m guessing Ten knows,” Yuta offers, finally relenting. “It’d explain how Winwin found out.”

Doyoung’s eyes widen, a recent memory suddenly flashes. “I saw them together. Ten was saying something about — _fuck_ , what the hell?”

Doyoung feels himself getting defensive, and then angry on behalf of his friend. “Ten knows?!”

Yuta hisses, “Quiet, dumbass. If Ten can be chill about this, then you have no right to be upset.”

Doyoung grits his teeth, but tries to calm down anyway. It’s not like he can take Johnny out in a fistfight. He’ll only get thrown halfway across the room, and the physical damage would only account a minuscule to what pain is going to be inflicted on his pride.

“How long have you known?” Yuta finally asks, after a moment of silence.

Doyoung takes a second to think about it. _Too long_. “I think I’ve had my suspicions since NCT Life.”

Yuta’s eyebrows rise. “That’s pretty early.”

“I think it hit me when I realized I haven’t seen Donghyuck that happy since….“

Yuta grimaces at the memory. “Yeah.”

Doyoung tries to retrieve his memories from the trip. “At first I thought it was because he finally got to take some time away from Mark.”

But Doyoung rewatched every episode one day because he's kind of narcissistic that way and felt tremendously horrified for Johnny when he realized how transparent the American was. And, it was all caught on camera, for the world to see. 

“Yeah, it’s not like Johnny is subtle.” Yuta hums in agreement, eyes distant.

When Doyoung rewatched some of the scenes again to be sure, he almost thought Johnny _meant_ to be obvious, for some kind of reason. 

Doyoung asks, “Is it mutual?”

He wonders if they have been official for some time, but decided not to say anything, which makes sense because _of course_ they’d want to keep it private, especially if it’s still so brand new. Not that the rest of NCT wouldn’t take it well, but Doyoung already knows the kind of chaos that would erupt if they said anything.

Aside from the born to be soulmate Jeno and Jaemin, they’ve always thought Donghyuck and Mark were endgames, the same way Johnny and Ten are — _were_.

Yuta snorts. “I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure Haechan-ah is oblivious to the heart eyes Johnny throws his way day and night. He probably thinks Johnny’s kindness is only because he feels bad on behalf of Mark.”

“Or Donghyuck is hoping that playing nice with Johnny will score brownie point from Mark,” Doyoung offers his half-assed conspiracy.

Yuta’s expression sours, showing how repulsive he finds the idea to be. “Mark and Haechan are better off like this.”

Doyoung can’t say he disagrees. “What does Winwin think?”

Yuta gets up, stretches, and picks the empty bottles to throw away. “He thinks Haechan knows and is just playing dumb because he likes the attention but not ready for anything serious.”

Doyoung considers that idea. He thinks about Winwin’s sources and can’t help but be convinced that that is most likely the case. “Poor Johnny- _hyung_.”

“Johnny knew what he’s in for the moment he decided to let himself fall for the kid,” Yuta says, very matter-of-factly. He offers Doyoung a half-smile. “He’ll get over it.”

Doyoung toys with his phone, wondering if it’s time he texts the long-deserted '96 line group chat to ask if they could hang out. Ten would definitely spill because he most likely needs an ally to curse Johnny with, and Kun would probably try to make sure they keep their gossip session in moderation.

Yuta’s askance tone snaps him away from his train of thought. “Look, I know you’re curious and are probably already brewing some kind of a plan to get more info. I know I can’t stop you, but please just make sure to be careful. If you have to confront someone, go to Johnny.”

Doyoung regards him with a long stare.

That’s another thing that doesn’t sit right with him. 

“You know, Donghyuck is not made of glass,” he says.

“I know,” Yuta runs a hand through his hair. “But I also know he’d have said something by now if he wanted to. He’s not one to keep things to himself.”

Or he must have simply learned the hard way to start keeping his emotions to himself, to not wear them down on his sleeves anymore. Knowing the witty, smart, and blunt kid that Haechan is, Doyoung thinks there is a high chance he and Johnny have talked it out, one way or another.

But Doyoung doesn’t say anything back, accepting Yuta’s logic for now.

“I’ll be off now, thanks for the drink,” Yuta grins cheekily, offering him a fist bump.

Doyoung rolls his eyes and meets him halfway.

He watches Yuta leave their dorm before he opens Kakao Talk, scrolls through his members' contact, and considers long and hard on how he should proceed next.

 _Drop it,_ he remembers their manager say back in 2016 when Doyoung found a single condom package laid around on the dining table, leaving many of the minors red in the face and all of the adults tried to shrug it off while stealing accusatory glance with one another. 

Doyoung buries his face in his hands and groans internally.

He drops his phone, takes a deep breath, and leaves it.

He'll leave it this time, and only this time.

For the time being, he'll go and visit Ten and Kun anyway, because it's been too long.

And if they choose to spill, then that's on them. 

(He hopes they spill).

.

.

.

"Johnny- _hyung_ , that _bastard_!"

And if he ended up shit-faced drunk with them after, well - that's no one's business. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do send in your request on who i should do next!

**Author's Note:**

> I have this headcanon in my head where Johnny is the angel who's been keeping Donghyuck sane after his fall out with Mark. It can't be a coincidence that Hyuck's fans are called sunflowers and Johnny has that on his arm. Either way, everything here is fictional, so don't get your knickers in a twist. 
> 
> Stream Turn Back Time, Punch, Riding, and Kick It.
> 
> I'm @hyuckplump on twt, come nag me and give me prompts there.


End file.
